At-one-with God.

So where do I begin?? I haven't slept in who knows how long, I haven't eaten in a week officially not, and I can't seem to do anything correct right now. Why do I have all these you may ask?? My life decided to do a backwards flip just recently. Let go back a week. I spent the entire Sunday with Albert. That was so wonderful. I left for home that evening feeling more in love with him than I had ever felt. I knew then that I needed to trust the Lord and let him work his power on me to accept Albert into my life completely. Anyways, Monday I went to coaching in the morning, and my finger got injured pretty darn bad. So I skipped out lunch because I was in pain, and I also hadn't had any breakfast thanks to a late start that morning. Went on with my day trying to stay on top of things and not be late for anything else. I was late to everything else. Finally, I got to see Albert at 10 o'clock that night. That was for sure a hard night for me. He broke up with me.

I have been an emotional wreck. We were practically engaged. I also had just come to accept to fully love him more than anyone else that I have dared to love. You may think that I must be stupid for being so messed up over a simple break-up like this, but for me it made a difference. I had decided several months prior to getting in this relationship that I was going to involve the Lord with every move I made. When I was engaged before, I didn't involve the Lord at all. I liked the guy. I enjoyed being with him, and so did he so that made me happy. I was once asked while I was engaged if I was happy with him. The person noticed I was hesitant and asked me to ponder about that and see what the Lord would want me to do. I was told to break up with him.

Today during church I kept looking back at that and then I realized maybe this is what happened with Albert and I. I know he was praying about us because of some problems that I had. I have been going through sometimes wondering what if I had done something different or just trying to figure out why. During testimony meeting a member of my bishopric got up and bore his testimony. One point that stuck out in my head was to "Remember". Remember the hard times in life, but to especially remember the fun times in life. I started to look back on when I first met this brother three years ago. He saw me in the worst possible condition at the time, and I thought that I would never meet him again. haha, look at where we both are now.

The object that has been popping out at me through many, many people is that of the Atonement. I have been dealing with a very sensitive subject to me at least. I was having a hard time writing about this, so I asked several friends to talk to me. I only got about two to actually talk to me. One of them had to go to bed because she had to be up in like four or five hours, and I know she doesn't like doing all-nighters at all! The other one was just hyped up and was glad to be talking to me. He just got off his mission not too long ago, so somethings were still "weird" for him. I was glad to be able to talk to him and receive some guidance and help from him. He was able to distract my mind away from things that other people have had a hard time to. He gave me the scripture of Mosiah 14:3-5, which talks about the Savior and him going through all the pain. He went through every kind of pain not even comprehendable to man, so that we can go to him and be HEALED by his grace and power.

This may be hard for me to face right now, but I pray that with all the help that I am receiving right now, that I will become stronger. Right now I am choosing a new road. You guys will be left wondering what I decided, but soon enough you will find out.
<3 Barbara