Love is kind, all around Love!!

So I have been up for several hours now. My heart is beating erratically, and I just want time to go by faster!! I get to see my boyfriend today after spending like 12 days without him. I haven't been counting...I swear!!! ok, maybe I was! lol :)
I have been reflecting the past couple of days on where I was a year ago. I had just moved back home and all I know was that I was supposed to go back to school. I didn't know what I was going to be doing this fall semester or this slightest idea if I was going to continue on in school this fall. I remember sitting in my car right next to the Rexburg Temple one night and saying a prayer. As I was saying it I was crying. I didn't have the slightest idea of what I was to do. I just wanted some guidance as to what would with my year. When I closed the prayer, I still had no clue. I was one to have my head higher, but at the same time lower also. All I wanted was to feel at least SOMETHING of what was going to happen, but I didn't feel anything. All I felt was God's love for me and that he had this year in mind. I am glad now that he didn't tell me. He didn't tell me that I was going to start off the year being so hurt so quick. He didn't tell me that I was going to come better friends with Dawn and Tyson, and that I in turn would help them with their journey in life and for them to become stronger by letting them help me become stronger. Tyson is now on a mission in Jackson, Mississippi and I really should do better at writing him. His words of encouragement helped me realize the purpose of events happening. Dawn was able to come closer with her roommates and others in her ward. She received the calling of Relief Society President this past Fall semester and by what I saw, it helped her grow into such a greater woman than she already was.

I was writing in my journal this morning and thinking about my testimony. Albert has told me over and over how strong my testimony is to him. That is something that he finds attractive about me is my testimony. I was thinking about it and I think personally that it is currently pretty weak. I really hope that one day my testimony can become stronger and grow further out like the branches in the pictures above. Something that I kinda got annoyed at, at first was how forceful Albert seemed to be when asking me to do this, but now he asks me if I did, and I LOVE smiling when telling him yes because then I got to hear him smile! :) He wanted me to start reading the scriptures everyday whether it be just a few verses or a chapter or two. Like I said, at first I was reluctant but then I asked God to help me do this. So far for the past 10 days.....I have been able to read........ALL 10 DAYS!! :D I can start to feel the difference that has been in me since I started doing this. I would like to thank for encouraging me to do the things that I should be doing, and I am going to do better at it...I promise! I feel with me continuing to read the scriptures and making my prayers more sincere, my testimony will become even stronger than what it is.
I know that our Heavenly Father loves us, and when we can't feel it he will manifest it through someone we know. I know this because this past week he has been showing his love for me through Albert. He has shown me that no matter what may come He is always going to be there and though it may have been hard with my family this year during the Holiday season, he has shown me that everything is going to be ok....better than ok actually!!! New adventures are in store for me and I am excited to see them!

Being Grateful!

This semester is seeming to come to a close meaning closer for me to starting up in school again! Yikes! With the end of the semester comes students heading back home, aka: Albert going home for the Holidays. So I don't know if I have mentioned this, but with my relationship I have had this constant fear of being abused again like I was in my last relationship. I decided that I should go to my bishop and ask for his advice on how I can best handle this. After discussing for a few minutes he said, "Maybe it isn't praying for comfort that you need to overcome this fear. Maybe it is thanking God how wonderfully blessed I am to have Albert in my life.

Now that I have had a chance to reflect on it, those are the words that were inspired for me to hear. I am so grateful to have Albert in my life. He is so wonderful. He might not want to believe that is, but to me he is wonderful. His spirit is strong, and I can always tell that he loves the Lord and doesn't want to stray away from him.

With this holiday may we remember again the things in life we have been given this year. The blessings that Christ the Lord has given us personally, and that he was sent down here for us! His love for us is immensely. This year has gone from deep down in the ditch to way up high on the mountain top! I would love to stay on top of that mountain for as long as I can!

Joy

If someone would have came up to me at the beginning of the year that I would be so happy by the end of the year, I would have laughed and said, "No way would that be possible!" Looking back on this past year has been a huge turning point for me. This year started out hard. Things happened that changed me in more than one way. I was definitely not ready to trust anyone again anytime soon. All through Sept. and Oct. I had many, many flashbacks of the accident that took my grandmother, my family away from me eleven years ago. The week leading up to my grandmother's birthday I thought I was going to be having nightmares. I thought I would be super depressed and just one to not be around.

On Friday I went to go hang out with my oldest Sister. I was telling her that the Lord surely does hear us. I told her on how within the past few months, when I have been attending the temple, I have been praying that I would be blessed with happiness. That this fear would leave me, and joy would overcome me. My bishop also suggested that when I go, to pray about the future Mr. Spaulding in my life! lol. He has strongly suggested that I start praying sincerely about what I should do with things going on in my life. My bishop strongly cares for me, and loves me. He kept saying that I needed to pray asking for happiness, and for the lease of this fear that I have been holding onto for a while. One step at a time, and I have been able to achieve this goal that I have been working on.

I would just like to quickly bear my testimony that I know the Lord surely does bless us. If you ever may think that the Lord doesn't hear us, think again. He does. He listens to our thoughts and our actions. He has a plan for us, and he surely does want the best for us. We are each one of his children that he wants us to come back to him, to our Father. I honestly don't know where I would be if I didn't have this wonderful, truthful gospel in my life. It has taught me how to become so much stronger, and lets me know that even if in my deepest hour...I know I am loved by him and many others! I love you all!

Happiness

So I hardly ever get on here. I hope I do get on here more and more because I used to love writing on here! Well, last Sunday was stake conference for our Stake. I went with my neighbor family and sat with them. Some of the talks were about marriage and finding someone to love. I leaned over occasionally to talk with Mariah about my remarks, and how I was not going to ask any guys out on dates anymore. I was tired of just being the one to ask, and then not hearing from them again! So I was sure that I was not going to find anyone. The majority of the messages that were given was something that I needed to hear about not adding extra stress into your life, and to live life to the fullest. They also gave us a challenge to change something within our lives that would make us a stronger/better person. I had decided that I was going to work on being happier, smiling more, and overall trusting people in general. There is also a lot more to that than what I said.
Anyways, that night I started talking with a gentleman who noticed my comment about Stake Conference. He was wondering if we were in the same stake, but we weren't. Mine was in the morning, and his was in the afternoon. We started talking through messaging and then also through text later on. Friday evening we went over to his sister's apt. to hang out and have some fun there, and then we went on a walk later on. Saturday we had a double date at his place, and had dinner with a movie. We had talked so much that on Friday he asked me if I would like to be his girlfriend. Honestly, I haven't been so happy in my life! I haven't been able to stop smiling and knowing that this is what should be happening right now. I guess the Lord has let me know now that I have healed enough to trust myself with the chance of love.

Things are going great, and I am so happy that I can't believe this is happening! Happiness is of great joy!

Albert has been so great to me, and he is so amazing!!!

2+2=7???

Yeah, in case you can't tell, I am somewhat tired and slacking in doing my homework. Today has been one of those crazy days where you just seem to be going non-stop. and all it seems to do is get NOWHERE! Well, that last part I am going to have to take back. Today while I was coaching, actually yesterday and today, I seemed to have only one family of the three that I coach show up! Amazing!! The one girl that I have wanted to work with one-on-one I FINALLY did! When she doesn't have any distractions she is wonderful, otherwise she is just a big pain to try and coach. I have loved being able to see her TRUE abilities shine out this week, and I hope that she doesn't hide them again when the other kids come back.
Summer is on its way! I am so excited for that to show!! My friends in Kansas have been complaining on how hot it has been there and how they have needed to turn on their AC's, I just comment, "Eh, it is about mid 40's today!" Kinda got some laughs at that one!
People amaze me, I amaze myself. I am in week 4 of school this semester, and I don't know how I have been able to do so well thus far! Usually I just feel lost and confused and ready to break down, but right now I am ready to take on the pile of homework (90% of the time!) and just get it done. I think it is possibly because I don't have fear of so many things this semester that is catching up to me. Yeah, I fear that I am going to slack in some ways, but I know that is what is going to happen! You can't stop a person from having an imperfection!! My number one fear that I have this semester is that my leg is going to relapse. I have been on crutches, using a cane, having to be stuck in bed all day, going to the ER, and been recovering pretty well last semester.
Last semester was interesting of sorts. Thanks to my dear friend Dawn, I don't think I would have been able to stay upbeat the way I did without her help! Thanks Dawn (if you are reading this!). I had to eventually withdraw from school due to my leg, and it was like halfway through the semester. This semester is going good. There have been several times already where I just can barely even walk. I just have to forget the night's activities and stay home and work on homework. Since the beginning of April, I had little pain, and now it seems to increase. All the doctors want me to take it easy, but have they been in college lately?? Especially with the campus of BYU-Idaho??
Also, I have learned a great deal of family love. Not just from my family, but that of another's. Thanks Johnson's for letting me become part of yours! Babysitting has taught me that no matter what happens in the day, you seem to still love them!! I had the great opportunity of babysitting a set of twins, and it sure has been fun and worthwhile!
Back to homework I go!
Love you guys!
Barb

Rukus!

So this week has been all over the place! Started out really good. I was ready for the most part, but like way nervous for everything. Nervous for classes to be in full swing, nervous for me making new friendships (or at least trying to make new friendships!). JJ is one of my new friends. He contacted me right before he moved back to Rexburg to start up for school. I was kinda happy to know that I was going to have another friend other than Tawny who I already knew was going to be up here! Tawny is such a doll and I love her to death! We did a double date in December, and that was when we were discovered each others goofiness inside of each of us! Anyways, I was kinda excited to get to know some new people!
Monday night he invited me over to his place and we just talked and got to know each other. We also saw a movie Tuesday called R.E.D. Really different than what I expected but we both laughed through it! There were a lot of people there to see it!! Wednesday classes started, so I don't think we really saw each other, but we still talked through text. All during this time I dogsitted my brother's dogs at his house. Quite interesting, but way fun!
I am now a week and half into school, and I am already behind in my math class! Is that pathetic or what!?!?! There is so much homework required for this class that I just can't keep my concentration on it long enough to do the fact sheets, the function guides, labs, ect.!! The rest of my classes are going ok so far this semester. In my Anatomy and Physiology class, it is strongly emphasized that we study in study groups, so I am going to venture and try that works.
One thing that I tried to achieve was getting back onto the Lifeguard team at BYU-Idaho. I went to try-outs Thursday afternoon, and I just couldn't succeed. It took me two times to get down to the bottom of the pool to get the victim, and three times to get the spinal victim to roll over. I knew after the try-outs that I didn't do so well. When I got the e-mail Thursday evening, I read it and I just started bawling. I could not stop crying for the longest time! I called my dad, called my friend, called my supervisor, and also JJ. JJ suggested that I come over to receive a hug. Thinking that it would help, I went over. We sat and talked about everything except that, but I was held back so much. I really just bury my head in his shoulder and just cry. Cry out my fears, my disappointment. But, I didn't. I just sat there, not really looking at him. By the time I left, I had forgot about the try-outs because he started to act like he really liked me. I even got a little kiss before I left. I woke up Friday morning remembering the e-mail which got me down again. I sat in math class, on the verge of tears, just trying my hardest to not let this get to me. I don't know exactly why I was so distraught by it, but I was. JJ and my family have been great to help me forget about it.
I pray that I as I go through the rest of the month, that I will be able to be more clear on what the spirit is trying to tell me, and that I don't drive JJ and Tawny away. To be honest, I don't know what I would do if I were to loose those two as friends where my other friends were pushed away. I want to grow stronger with them, and be able to go to them when I need to. JJ and Tawny....THANKS!

SLACKER!!!!

Wow! It really has been a while since I have blogged! I am just going to keep this short and sweet and basically start over this year! Since I have been on here, I have moved back in with my parents. I love being with my parents, but sometimes just becomes a hassle and have to conform back to their rules and such! No more late nights right now....SHUCKS! Well, here is my new years resolution...make more friends, not use Facebook so much, do more blogging, and to not let myself freak over some things! Until I update next...HAPPY NEW YEARS!!