Girls Time!

So I have had a friend in town for a little while. It has been great hanging out with her and forgetting about some of the oddest worries! The first Saturday we went and got pedicures at Paul Mitchell, along with an eyebrow wax. Never had anything done to my eyebrows until then! Hurt a little bit, but not to much! Last night we went to my Ward Christmas party and had an enjoyable time there. After that we went bowling with Sarah. Some great times! It has been such a reliever having someone else other than guys to hang out with! Here is just a few pictures of what fun we have had!

The Lovely and Wonderful Esther!

I had to do this pose! It felt so funny, and it looks HILARIOUS!

Sarah making a funny face for the camera!

Esther and I!

Esther's new profile picture!


Me signing!


Black-light Sarah!


Sarah and I


I wanted to be funny so I could have a fun night!

And to top it all off!
Dancing and Eating the Snow that is falling from the sky!

Nine Years

So this Saturday will be exactly nine years ago that I lost my grandmother to a drunk driver. I am trying my hardest to make it through this week and next couple of weeks without breaking down, but I have failed already. I thought about her much last night. Halloween has always been hard for me because of this, but this year, I am going to try my hardest and do everything that I can to enjoy it this year and not get so down! I am going to be dressing up for Treat Street this Friday and be handing out candy to kids. I am pretty excited about that, but lets hope I don't break down! I will have somebody fun to work with there with me! Kinda made me happy when he said that he was going to be there. His laugh is very much like the laugh from the black guy on fifth element. I told him that when we went to Dr. Slaughters a couple weekends ago! Then he said that he did, and now he can't laugh without me laughing at him! He is really fun to work with! Well, I better get to bed! I have a few things to do tomorrow before work!

Don't Do This!

So I work pretty much all the time. Well, I had Sunday off, and I was really tired, so I took a nap Sunday evening. I was still able to go to sleep Sunday night shockingly! When I woke up Monday morning, I had a really bad migraine. I took some of my prescription medicine along with 2 Aleve, then I can get it under control, sometimes. Well, I went and did errands and just felt like I couldn't do them. So not being able to drink or eat much of anything, I just dealt with the pain. I still went to work. I get to work, and just sit down for a couple of minutes before I clocked on and rest my eyes. The guys that were there were a lil' concerned when I didn't show up after ten fifteen minutes. They come and realize that I was asleep on the bench in the locker room. My supervisor comes in and lets me know that it was time for me to clock on and get to work. So I do what I should be doing, and time goes by and I just dealt with the pain. An hour into work, I feel the pain has gone away. YAY! Lately for about the past two or three months, I would get really hyper right after a migraine. Well, that definitely did happen tonight! I was like bouncing off the walls, literally! Everyone was quite concerned about me then wondering if I was going to be alright and such. I smiled and laughed, and then replied, "Yes I surely will be! WHERE IS MY PAPER THAT I AM WORKING ON!!!" Fun fun night made fun by me! Much love to all!

WORK!

Lately all I have been doing is working my butt off! The time that I usually head for work varies, but right now, it seems like I work to 10 or 11 at night, and then I also have the drive back home from Idaho Falls, so about another 35 minutes! It seems like that is all I do nowadays! Well, it at least gives me something to do. So Zach and I are still friends. I am glad that he knows that is all that I want right now and to not be in a relationship right now. I mean it isn't like I know for sure right now if we are going to get back together, but I need to straighten some things out in my life before I get back into a serious relationship. I have been really screwed up the past several months, and I just don't want anyone involved in what I have to do right now to straighten myself out. And before you ask on what needs straightening out, I won't tell. I am really ashamed of what has been done, and how I have destroyed myself. I have been debating in my head though on whether or not if I want to date him. I know that he loves me, and that he is in love with me, I just love him though. "I love him, just not IN love with him." I sorta rephrased that from what I heard on One Tree Hill episode this past week. Well, I better head to bed. I get to work nine hours tomorrow! Woot Woot! (haha not! jk jk!)

Visiting my old friends!

So right now currently I am sitting in my friends living room in Hays, KS! I realized last night how much I miss it! Crazy me! I love being here, and I am only here for under a week left now! I have had fun seeing my friends. Except one is being emotional and acts like he doesn't want to see me right now. It seems like they don't want to be my friend, but yet they tell me that still are going to be my friend no matter what I decide to do in my life. My other friend just loves that fact that I am here, no matter what my reason is. I love being away from Rexburg, and especially my ex. He has been driving me up the wall, and just won't leave me alone. I am glad that I am out of that controlling relationship. It is good to be away from there!
To Amanda and Nick! I have loved seeing you guys again, and I am glad that I am here for a couple more days to hang out with you some more! I love both of you guys so much!

What is life really about?

I haven't really updated this blog lately. How bad is that? Well things have changed in since my last post. With the condition that I have in my leg, it has been advised that I wait like a year or so until I know that I can handle walking on my leg before I serve a mission, which is fine by me. It just means that I have to wait now. So for the time being I am working almost full-time. So far there have been hardly any guys in the picture of my life. Zach and I are still friends and all, and we still think of what the future has in hold for the both of us. We both thought that we were going to get married to each other. Right now we don't really know what to do about our relationship. Personally I think it is best that we are friends. I don't need anyone steady in my life right now. I have been up and down since we broke up, and my parents are concerned on what I am doing. So would I if I found out that a child of mine is spending time by the river, quite a LOT! Right now, I have a little under a week left of waiting to go on my vacation! FINALLY! I am so excited for this. It will get me away from Rexburg so I can think clearly about what to do next in my life, I think. Right now I am thinking of just working for a straight year and then go back to school. They told me at admissions that if I do that, I will have to reapply for school, which seems fine to me I guess. I just feel comfortable with working for a year. I might do some online classes though through other colleges. With the way that this past school year has gone for me, I think I need to get my health in good condition before I try going to school and two jobs again! That I think is what made me really sick! So Kansas, here I come in a week. I get to see my two best friends, and also my oldest sister who I haven't seen in a year or more now that I think about it. Still trying to figure out what all we are going to do for about seven days, but I think we are just going to wing it the whole way! We do have some things planned for the time, but only like three or four days worth out of twelve. I have been teaching swim lessons this past week, and they just wear me out. I only have one week left!!!! The youngest class that I have, just is hard for me to do for some odd reason. I don't know if it is because of them not being so well disciplined, or if I am just not a good teacher. I literally cried today because of what has been going on with my classes. They just are so hard to teach. I give props to preschool teachers, and elementary school teachers. They have some major guts for being willing to work with these young kids. Well, I should head to bed now. I am tired and exhausted! Good Night to All, and to All a Good Night!

Pain, Cast, Emotions, and Family!

Well I am down to the last two weeks of school for me! How crazy is that???? School is almost out, and I won't be attending classes as far as I know until about Winter 2012. After I get my leg healed up, I am going to start on my mission papers and serve a mission! I am so excited whenever I hear about a mission, or just think about one. As for my leg, I am simply going to say that it is in the process of breaking. They have put me in a cast for about 2 months, and they also advised that I be using crutches still. So I have been on crutches already for six weeks, and another eight to go! WHOOPEE! not... I am still in an emotionally low person right now, but I have been hanging out with some really good people that I have previously known, and they keep my mind off of the bottom of the pit that I have in my head. My parents are sorta praying that I find a "cute" "hard-working" guy that will treat me right, and that I can become "friends" with. They said exactly those words, except for those three. I had to change them because they used very technical ones that I corrected them with these ones.

River Water

So lately I have had some difficult times. Usually when I have a hard time I go to the river and sit there for a while and throw rocks into the murky river water, but there isn't any river close by for me to go to. The reason why I want to be around river water is becuase I just broke up with my fiance, and I have torn a legemate in my ankle. So I have been put on crutches for the next eight weeks or so. I forget how horrible of an experience it was! I broke up with my fiance, because it just didn't feel right. I feel like I should serve a mission, and not worry about getting married. We are both still friends, but it is awkward between the two of us, when we see each other. He and another person are the only friends that I have right now, and it seems like both of them don't want anything to do with me now. I really need to get some new friends. Other wise, the semester has been going great, until now that is. I feel so depressed whenever I see a couple on campus. I have great roommates this semester. We all talk to each other, but there are still spaces that seperate us, or at least me from the rest of them. My job on campus was way better than last semester's. Everyone likes hanging out with each other now! Except I just lost that job and the one in Idaho Falls for a lil' while, at least until I can get off crutches. Well, it is time for my nap, so I will try to update on Sunday!

Trials

The past month has been very interesting. I started out the semester doing well, and getting a job, while still being able to keep my job in Idaho Falls, worked out really well also. There were some Saturdays that I didn't enjoy it so much, but I look back and I am glad about the decisions that I made. I also was doing very well with my health, but about three weeks before the semester ends, I get these severe migraines. These were the worst that I ever experienced. The one that was the worst was the week before General Conference. It started out that Friday night, thinking it was only due to not enough sleep throughout the week, so I take some medicine to get rid of it. I had to wake up and open that morning for the pool in Idaho Falls. When I wake up I noticed it was still there, so popped more pills down and went to work. I got to work, and it seemed fine then. I do opening duties, and get everything ready, and then a HUGE pain hits and I about collapse from the pain. I went and told the supervisor that I was not doing well, and if she could help me find a sub to work for me in the afternoon. She literally calls everyone on the phone list twice to see if they could work for me. No one. Around 11:00 (about two hours later) and notice the pain is becoming unbearable, and that soon I would be no good to the pool, or even to me getting home. I head in and let the supervisor know about my condition. I had tears welling up in my eyes when I went in to see when I got off for lunch. She noticed and sent the cashier out to guard for me and sent me home before I got worse. I was able to get home just fine, but I was crying most of the way home. I head home and just sleep after taking even more medicine. That put me to the limit of the pain medication that I could take safely. After the nap I feel fine, and I get invited by my fiances family to eat with their family at Craigo's in I.F. I go with them and felt fine, until my fourth peice of pizza. It hit so strong and fast that I think I literally blacked out. This time I was nauseated with it. All the while trying to find someone to work for me that night in Rexburg. I never found anyone, and I had work in such a horrible condition that I was a threat to myself. After I got off, I had my fiance take me to the ER and to have him call my parents and let them know to come. My father and Zach gave me a blessing that I dearly needed so much. I was so grateful for them. I cried. I was there from about midnight Sat. night until 2:30 in the morning on Sun. Zach drove me home, and helped me into my apartment, but after that he couldn't do much. My parents then took him since he drove my car. That next week I had three more migraines. Not quite so severe, but enough to put me down for a day or so. The doctor requested then that I have and MRI done, and a week later I get a call saying that it looks normal. Everything is just hard for me right now. With these migraines, I lost quite a few hours of work, and also some much needed time to be spent on homework. For the last week of school, I went home and I asked my dad for a father's blessing to help me finish the semester. I was able to finish without any migraines since the MRI and I just got my final grades for the semester. Way better than what I expected to be honest. I expected mainly C's and D's, but I looked 2 A's 2 B's and a UW for not staying with Trig. I was already failing and there was no way I could bring that up. Good thing I am retaking that this next semester.
Well, I gotta head to bed. I will update more on Sunday. I hope.

Maniac!

I am a true Maniac, or at least that is what I have been told. I love being around my friends, because then I can just forget all my issues, and just enjoy the time that I have with them. I love them! I love Zach! Things have been really crazy in my world. I am thinking of how I am going to finish out this semester in a class that I am so far behind in right now. I sorta just wish that I did drop it, but I am retaking it next semester and I want to improve the grade, not leave a "W" on there for my diploma. I have been told that since I am having such a struggle that I should change my major. I would if I really wanted to, but whenever I think about it, it just feels wrong for me to steer away from that. Other than that one particular class (trig) I have been doing good. English is low, but I have struggle with that, and the rest are just "A's" that I am very proud of. Being sick through most of this semester, and trying my hardest to stay on top of school AND WORK has been hard, but my health has adjusted to it now. There are days every now and then that I just have to sleep. Sleep to just rest and not think about anything. That is what I like to call my personal days. I have only had like one or two of those this semester, which is way good! Oh, before I forget, I have an Orchestra Concert next Tuesday! All those who can come, should! 7:30 pm BCH! Well, considering that it is now 12:30 in the morning and I have to wake up at 8, I should get going to bed! Much love to all!

March Showers brings May flowers!

The title is a little off here, but I was thinking of it on Wednesday when I heard thunder and saw lightning! I was so excited to hear the thunder, but it was only like twice that I heard it. Thunder and Lightning is what I miss the most of KS. I loved the Thunderstorms there. Waking up to them in the middle of the night, and seeing the room light up from the lightning strikes. But, the reason why the title is off, because right now there is snow in the air. I mean it was raining earlier this week, and then like the past three morning it has snowed. Not enough though to make anything hazardous or much less, scrap off your car. Just snow to collect in cracks and holes.
Everything has been getting better in my life. Things have changed, but yeah, what doesn't change? Everything changes over time! My bishop has given me a challenge, and I have had it for the past week. I have two more weeks to go, but at first I really wanted to do it, I really wanted to find out. Then I found out it is hard. So I have asked friends to pray with me on this challenge. This next Sunday I am holding a fast with some of my friends. I know that with dedication I can fulfill this challenge. If you want to partake of the fast and pray for me, It is going to be from Sundown on Sat. until 3pm on Sunday afternoon. I would really appreciate it if you did! Well, I better go. I have things to do and people to see! Much love to everyone!

Expect Delays!

So I have named the title for its reason. EXPECT DELAYS! Especially when you want to hear something from me, or get something done with me. I am never a person that seems to do things right away like they should. I guess that is just me though!
Valentines day was fun for me. I worked in the late morning/early afternoon, and then went over to Zach's house around three. We watched Bourne Supremacy, and then I went home and got ready for the dance that we were going to. We went to the dance. It was his Stake having an adult dance for 18 yrs and older, so we went. One of the door prizes was who just recently got engaged. Everyone looked around and Zach and I were just sitting there, then after like two minutes he gets up and pulls me up and then announces that we're engaged. A little embarrasing for me, because I didn't know anyone, but I thought it was cute that he had the courage to do that! We came home from the dance and then realized we haven't had dinner, so we went and spurleged at Applebees at 10 o'clock at night. It is quite amazing that they were still open, but not packed like I thought they would be. It was fun though. When we were finished with our meals, they brought out a shooter with a red teddy bear that said "I Love You" on a heart that it was holding. It was so cute. He leaned over to my ear and said Happy Valentines to me and that was how we shared our evening. It was enjoyable, and I was in pure bliss! I love you babe!

My Testimony

I haven't been on here much lately due to school starting, me working two jobs, and also being a Math Ed. major takes some time away from the computer! I was listening to sacrament this morning in our ward and I just sat there and cried. I wanted to get up and share it, but I also didn't want to because I was stuck in the middle of the row, so here it is now for all of the few of you that read this!
I would just like to bear my testimony that I know this gospel is true. That it is the word of God, and that God does speak to our modern day prophet Thomas S. Monson. I know that The Book of Mormon is true, even if I do have an extremely hard time understanding it. I am so grateful to have the Rexburg Temple here in out midst and to be able to go up and do Temple Ordinances throughout the week, even in between classes. I was grateful to go on the MATS tour this last September. I know I may have lost my camera with all the neat pictures of places that we have been, but I do have images in my head of the glorious places that we saw, and the very strong spirit that I felt in the Church History Sites. I will never forget the feeling that I felt as I walked through the rooms that Joseph Smith, JR. translated The Book of Mormon, or where he received revelation through the divine inspiration of God. In my B. of M. 122 class, I came across a scripture in Alma 27 I think. I don't quite remember, but it talks about pride, and how the we get ourselves so caught up in worldly matters that we forget on what God blesses us with. On how we are so blessed to be able to communicate with him today, and have the scriptures to guide us. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

6 and counting

Today I have been trying to figure out how to change my status message into that 17 and counting show of a family that lives in Fayteville, Arkansas. I have had 6 migraines so far this semester, and this last one lasted for over a 24 hour period. In case you can't tell, I am still a little bit drugged up from the medicine that they gave me at the hospital. Now I know what to do when I have another bad awful migraine. I am afraid that I am not going to be able to finish school full-time like I want to. It seems that migraines have become a major issue on what I can and can not do nowadays. This sucks! It truly does! I didn't attend any of my classes, I didn't get homework finished for any of my classes, and plus, I am just scarred out of my wits on what to do anymore. I just keep praying that somehow I will either find what this issue is on these migraines and what causes, or that they will ease up over time so I can live on with life. All I know is that if I keep praying, the Lord will help me in a way for me that is possible.

Dreams

While I was at work last night, I went through my planner and put all the times that I am working in so I remember and not have to do it later. Plus, no one was there swimming and I forgot a book, so I was BORED! I got home about 11:30 from work and I just laid down and watched an episode of CSI: Miami, because I am the only one at my apartment this weekend. When I went to bed, I had a dream. I dreamed that Zach and I were driving somewhere (don't know where!) and then we get hit by a car that ran a red light. I was directly hit, and was near death. I just remember being in the Hospital and not being able to do anything. Not able to move, Not able to even think. I could hear everything, but I couldn't see, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even cry out for help, or for a hug. I was just trapped inside my body going crazy. I woke up to me crying and thrashing around. I haven't gone back to sleep since then. Other than that school is going well, only have been sick twice in a week and a half, and missed a day of work, and one class. So far, so good I guess. I guess we will see when I get gurther into the semester, but I am afraid that I am not going to be able to finish. I want to, it is my dream, but with the way my health has been, I just don't know if my body can handle all this stress from college. That is why I am taking as few credits as possible, or else I get really sick like I have found out!

Gifts!

This past week has just been amazing! I don't know why, but it has. I have just been blessed so much and sometimes I guess I just need to be able to open my eyes and notice it! List of blessings that I have received, goes on and on, but they might seem silly to you, but to me, they are my lifesaver at this moment on this particular day! Monday, my friend Derek gives me a hundred dollars for my Birthday present which was the previous day. Helped me buy groceries! Tuesday I locked myself out of my car and was late for work by an hour. At least my dad had the extra key, which reminds me I need to make another one! Wednesday I find out I have scholarship money available so I take it and I put it in the bank so I don't have bouncing checks! I was very grateful to be able to put in over three hundred dollars into my account! Thursday, PAYCHECK from BYU-Idaho! PLUS, lifeguard try-outs with the results in the evening! GUESS WHAT! My name was on a full time guard position! I was so happy! Actually so happy that I was jumping up and down clapping my hands together, and then I jumped into a guy and knocked him over! Sorry for whoever it was! Friday will be interesting. I have started my classes and they all seem pretty easy. I guess that is what I get for only signing up for the min. credit amount to be a full time student. I find that they more credits I take, the sicker I will be after midterms. Sucks, I KNOW! Well, I am off to bed now!

No More Teens!

A day of firsts and lasts. My last day of waking up at home. Also my last day of being a teenager. My first day of living on mine own. My first day of buying groceries. Wow! I am in the big world now, and I already feel overwhelmed while at the same time; lonely. Not much has happened in the way of other things. School starts on Wednesday. I will still be working in Idaho Falls and in Rexburg this next week. Lifeguard Try-outs are on Thursday. I might quit in Idaho Falls. Ummmmm lets see my birthday is tomorrow and there really isn't much that I want. I just want love from my number 1 guy in my life. Derek got off early a few nights this week and the three of us did some things together, but really life is still life. Changes happen, but you learn how to get around that. I will now be walking to a majority of the places now, and will be seeing less of my parents, but really, I still function all the same. Turning 20 in my life is a turning point in my life. My birth mother just turned 20 when she had me, and it gives me the realization of how scary life is on your own, and when you really don't have parents nagging at you all the time. Life will still go on even with the changes that I have made.

Happiness

So I was smart and stayed off of this blog until I was able to think of something positive to write. I know that when I am down, my posts are down. Well, I have several good news. For one, it is almost three hours into the new year, and on new years eve was time that I spent with Zach. We went and saw Twilight (for the third time, and every time I find out something new, or something that is hidden that you don't notice before) and then we went and ate at Applebee's and saw a friend who just came back from China. We've missed her! The second good news is that I have all of New Years day off. So that gives me time to do some packing for me to move out. That is my third good news! I AM MOVING OUT! Wow, I never thought I would be so excited, but I am! Saturday I get to move out, and work that afternoon in Idaho Falls. hehe. That will be a crazy day none the less! Monday I work in Rexburg and in Idaho Falls, Tuesday I get to work in Idaho Falls, Wednesday classes start, and I work that night in Rexburg with a meeting going on after that! Thursday I also have classes, but I get a chance to breath from working. Who that that working six-seven hours at a job a day would wear you out? Well, it sure does wear me out! I am hoping so bad that I get a job on campus this semester as a Lifeguard so I can quit in Idaho Falls, or at least let them know that I don't need to work there for now. Other than that, nothing else is new in my life. Zach has had problems come up, and I have been helping him with that, but he is still holding strong. I love him for being strong with everything that is going on.