STUPID LITTLE GIRL I AM!

Today I have been in a really glum mood. Ever since I woke up actually. I took a drive and I went to the palisades, and just sat in the car for a while parked at the dam. Then I decided I would get out and walk towards the water and just think. Usually when I am by water, I think the clearest. Something happened last night that I am not proud of or really happy about. Apparently I was flirting with guys last night. Catherine says that I was just having fun and goofing around like always. Well anyways, Zach got hissy pissy about it, and ran off and did the course all by himself that he didn't even slow down to stay with us. Catherine realized what was going on and decided that we were better off on our own anyways because we were having fun just messing around trying to get our balls into the holes. Zach claims I wasn't a jerk. Well, running off and leaving your fiance/gf/other half/w.e I am, and friends behind isn't? I told him that I am so tired of being treated like a jerk. He still acts like he is in High School. Lately I have been praying about it. I can only think of one thing. RUN! Amanda has offered for me to stay with her in KS while I try to figure things out. Maybe get a job while there and possibly go to FHSU with her down there. Anyways, my family is there, so I would be closer to them. Ever since I have graduated from High School the only reason I stay is to be with my parents. Some part of me has wanted to go to BYU-Idaho, but more of me has actually wanted to go to WSU in Wichita. I don't know. Maybe I am being stupid and doubting myself. Yeah, that is it. I am stupid. I am sure that any of you who read this, completely agree with me on that fact. I am just so afraid of leaving Zach. He says that if I were to break up with him, he wouldn't see any other girl. I don't think that is completely true, but it could very well be. I don't know. I am just being a dumb donkey who is apparently not on the right track.